Fierce and Maternal and Gay

Three things that ... go together

Talk about proud queer momming. This self-portrait of Catherine Opie, the celebrated photographer--and lesbian--nursing her son, has hung on my fridge for 10 months now.  It is in a public place, given our house's layout.  I put it there, and I can see it every day.

The thing is, no one has ever commented on it.  Almost no one.  One straight-girl bootcamp friend of my partner's commented, automatically it seemed, that the woman in the photo was fat.  I don't think this straight girl is a mom; she's skinny and blond and conventionally pretty, I noticed.  But we've had whole Rainbow Family gatherings at our pretty small house, many people in the kitchen, and no one has marveled at it.  We've had some of our best lesbian mom friends over, and no one has said a word.

Not one lesbian or lesbian mom has said to me, "That is an awesome picture of fierce, maternal, dykedom."  Not one. 

The only person who had something to say about it, just last week, was my friend Mikey Frank, who is about 10 years older than I am, and is heavyset, built not unlike Catherine Opie herself actually, and has nursed two babies, each for a long time.  Mikey loved it.  She said, "That looks like me—big breasts, big baby."   She's straight, but she was willing to own the image.  I love that.

It's a testament to lesbian motherhood in the heartland, this silence.  And it hurts.  But the photo itself is a testament as well, and here it is.  Enjoy.

This piece is entitled  "Self-Portrait / Nursing 2004." You can see a better copy and more of her work at: http://www.regenprojects.com/artists/catherine-opie/ (you will have to scroll a bit through the photos).