This image is from San Francisco Chronicle here.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
California Rocks!!! Celebrating Gay Marriage
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Remembering Our Family's 15 Minutes of Fame
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-06-19-ohio-domestic_N.htm?csp=3
Resources: Pro-GLBT Books for Kids & How to Find More (I'll continue to update this list)
Or: representation, representation, representation, representation. I cannot overstate the importance of seeing ourselves represented, of our kids seeing themselves and their families represented. How else can we imagine our full possibilities, see new paradigms, dream of freedom, unless we can taste, touch, feel, experience it in fantasy first. We cannot fight for what we cannot envision.
Quote:"[I]t is only through the way in which we represent and imagine ourselves that we come to know how we are constituted and who we are. There is no escape from the politics of representation."—Stuart Hall
Quote: "The great service of literature is to show us who we are. Put more simply, we tend to behave, and think, as books show us how to behave and think. . . . Lesbians, historically bereft of cultural, political and moral context, have especially relied on imaginative literature to dream themselves into situations of cultural, political and moral power.” —Bertha Harris
Since the kids were small, Susan and I have changed up the gender and pronouns on so many books we read to our kids, because so many, still, have a male protagonist. So many. Susan I suspect because she thinks it's the best thing to do, me because of Irigaray, whose theory of how the feminine, the woman is always secondary in language/culture/discourse, merely the opposite of or not-as-good-as the man, is completely convincing. To let them imagine the female as *central* rather than necessarily, automatically secondary, adjunct, at least as long as they can manage it. More on the personal book reading experience another time.
BOOK WEBSITES, LISTS, RESOURCES:
Just started in Jan 2008: the American Library Association's GLBT Roundtable started a Rainbow Project, which lists the best glbt-friendly books for each age group. Looks great.
Family Equality Council has a list here of lgbt-friendly kids' books.
One of the most helpful websites (with descriptions of the books and critique)
that I found was Notes from the Windowsill / Rainbow Reading: gay and lesbian characters and themes in children's books. From what I can tell I trust the the perspective of the reviewer, it's a bit old though; 2006.
Twolives.com is a publishing house/distributer for lbgt family-friendly books. "We carry nearly every book in print for children in LGBT families, we are a lesbian-owned company active in the LGBT family community, and your support will enable us to keep publishing books for kids in LGBT families."
Also try http://www.leewind.org/, I haven't spent much time there yet but looks good for both young adult books with queer protagonists and has a listing for young adult books with glbt parents/caretakers.
BOOKS:
My own compilation (so far) of pro-gay, pro-lesbian, pro-queer books for kids, also books which promote diversity of all sorts:
BOOKS INCLUDING TWO MOMS OR TWO DADS:
Quote:"[I]t is only through the way in which we represent and imagine ourselves that we come to know how we are constituted and who we are. There is no escape from the politics of representation."—Stuart Hall
Quote: "The great service of literature is to show us who we are. Put more simply, we tend to behave, and think, as books show us how to behave and think. . . . Lesbians, historically bereft of cultural, political and moral context, have especially relied on imaginative literature to dream themselves into situations of cultural, political and moral power.” —Bertha Harris
Since the kids were small, Susan and I have changed up the gender and pronouns on so many books we read to our kids, because so many, still, have a male protagonist. So many. Susan I suspect because she thinks it's the best thing to do, me because of Irigaray, whose theory of how the feminine, the woman is always secondary in language/culture/discourse, merely the opposite of or not-as-good-as the man, is completely convincing. To let them imagine the female as *central* rather than necessarily, automatically secondary, adjunct, at least as long as they can manage it. More on the personal book reading experience another time.
BOOK WEBSITES, LISTS, RESOURCES:
Just started in Jan 2008: the American Library Association's GLBT Roundtable started a Rainbow Project, which lists the best glbt-friendly books for each age group. Looks great.
Family Equality Council has a list here of lgbt-friendly kids' books.
One of the most helpful websites (with descriptions of the books and critique)
that I found was Notes from the Windowsill / Rainbow Reading: gay and lesbian characters and themes in children's books. From what I can tell I trust the the perspective of the reviewer, it's a bit old though; 2006.
Twolives.com is a publishing house/distributer for lbgt family-friendly books. "We carry nearly every book in print for children in LGBT families, we are a lesbian-owned company active in the LGBT family community, and your support will enable us to keep publishing books for kids in LGBT families."
Also try http://www.leewind.org/, I haven't spent much time there yet but looks good for both young adult books with queer protagonists and has a listing for young adult books with glbt parents/caretakers.
BOOKS:
My own compilation (so far) of pro-gay, pro-lesbian, pro-queer books for kids, also books which promote diversity of all sorts:
BOOKS INCLUDING TWO MOMS OR TWO DADS:
These below are mostly for little kids, preschool and younger:
-Heather Has Two Mommies: 10th Anniversary Edition (Alyson Wonderland) by Leslea Newman,
-Emma and Meesha My Boy: A Two Mom Story by Kaitlyn Taylor Considine
-And Tango Makes Three (ALA Notable Children's Books. Younger Readers (Awards)) by Peter Parnell, Justin Richardson
-Anna Day and the O-Ring (Paperback) by Elaine Wickens
-Mom and Mum Are Getting Married! by Ken Setterington. Illustrated by Alice Priestley. Second Story, 2004
-King & King written and illustrated by Linda de Haan and Stern Nijland.
-The White Swan Express by Jean Davies Okimoto and Elaine M. Aoki
-One Dad, Two Dads, Brown Dad, Blue Dads by Johnny Valentine.
-Molly's Family by Nancy Garden. Illustrated by Hsaron Wooding
-ABC A Family Alphabet Book (Paperback) by Bobbie Combs,
-123 A Family Counting Book (Paperback) by Bobbie Combs,
-Is Your Family Like Mine (Paperback) by Lois Abramchik
-Mama Eat Ant, Yuck! by Barbara Lynn Edmonds
-Felicia's Favorite Story (Paperback) by Leslea Newman
-The Duke Who Outlawed Jelly Beans and Other Stories (Paperback) by Johnny Valentine (
-Asha's Mums (Paperback) by Rosamund Elwin
For older kids I can vouch for any book by J Jacqueline
Woodson, who is a friend of mine, a great writer, and a multiple
Coretta Scott King award winner. She writes about race and sometimes
about lgbt topics.
BOOKS for preschool or younger PROMOTING DIVERSITY/DIFFERENCE AND INCLUDING GAY PARENTS:
-The Family Book (Hardcover) by Todd Parr
-It's Okay To Be Different (Hardcover) by Todd Parr
-The Mommy Book (Hardcover) by Todd Parr
Friday, June 6, 2008
Homophobia: The Heartland vs. the Coasts. #1. The Wet Blanket
I am trying to see clearly the homophobia of the heartland, specifically Ohio where I live. This is attempt at clarity, at naming, #1. I have a Ph.D. in what is effectively lesbian studies/queer theory—from the History of Consciousness Program at the University of California Santa Cruz—so this should be easy for me, right? But it's not. Here's the first of what I've come up with so far:
#1. The Wet Blanket Effect
I invented this term to signify what it feels like to live in a place where everything gets tamped down, where everything is okay, where homophobia is minimized.
Definition: a type of systemic, cultural, yet intimately experienced formation where oppressed people, for example queers but it probably applies to others as well, cannot see their own lack of freedom or right to be equal, or even what equal looks like. They are happy just to "get along" and be the one—sort of accepted—gay or lesbian couple on the block.
Example: I taught at Miami University of Ohio for a bunch of years, and one year the highly regarded gay studies scholar John D'Emilio came, tasked to speak about his work but also to examine the state of g/l/b/t life at Miami, which was rumored to be in poor shape, had been found in a questionnaire to be in poor shape, and was in fact in poor shape. At the end of his time with us, we had lunch, perhaps 25 or 30 of the most pro-glbt faculty, students, and staff in a room with D'Emilio, and he told us, I've forgotten the exact words but in essence the point was this: "You ask for too little—reduced rates for your partners at the Rec Center. You cannot see what you are missing, what true equality even looks like--you don't even know to ask for it, you are grateful for what little you are given."
This to me is the wet blanket effect— when your whole community is so hell-bent on being exemplary, fine, and free that they don't, we don't, even realize that all of us are under a wet blanket, and can't see the freedom and sunlight shining above us, on the other side of the wet blanket. We can't even imagine it. It's th the biggest loss in a way. Because it is only by knowing our real situation that we can make change.
Quote: "You say there are no words to describe this time. You say it does not exist. But remember. Make an effort to remember. Or failing that, create." —Monique Wittig
#1. The Wet Blanket Effect
I invented this term to signify what it feels like to live in a place where everything gets tamped down, where everything is okay, where homophobia is minimized.
Definition: a type of systemic, cultural, yet intimately experienced formation where oppressed people, for example queers but it probably applies to others as well, cannot see their own lack of freedom or right to be equal, or even what equal looks like. They are happy just to "get along" and be the one—sort of accepted—gay or lesbian couple on the block.
Example: I taught at Miami University of Ohio for a bunch of years, and one year the highly regarded gay studies scholar John D'Emilio came, tasked to speak about his work but also to examine the state of g/l/b/t life at Miami, which was rumored to be in poor shape, had been found in a questionnaire to be in poor shape, and was in fact in poor shape. At the end of his time with us, we had lunch, perhaps 25 or 30 of the most pro-glbt faculty, students, and staff in a room with D'Emilio, and he told us, I've forgotten the exact words but in essence the point was this: "You ask for too little—reduced rates for your partners at the Rec Center. You cannot see what you are missing, what true equality even looks like--you don't even know to ask for it, you are grateful for what little you are given."
This to me is the wet blanket effect— when your whole community is so hell-bent on being exemplary, fine, and free that they don't, we don't, even realize that all of us are under a wet blanket, and can't see the freedom and sunlight shining above us, on the other side of the wet blanket. We can't even imagine it. It's th the biggest loss in a way. Because it is only by knowing our real situation that we can make change.
Quote: "You say there are no words to describe this time. You say it does not exist. But remember. Make an effort to remember. Or failing that, create." —Monique Wittig
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Resources: Great organizations helping lgbt families (I'll continue to update this list)
Here's a few of my favorite organizations that work specifically for lgbt families:
Family Equality Council like the HRC of lgbt families, including links to great kids books, how to talk to teachers, how to create a rainbow families playgroup in your area, political news, etc etc.
LesbianFamily.Org : "find blogs from all kinds of lesbian families"
Mombian "Sustenance for Lesbian Moms"
Family Equality Council like the HRC of lgbt families, including links to great kids books, how to talk to teachers, how to create a rainbow families playgroup in your area, political news, etc etc.
LesbianFamily.Org : "find blogs from all kinds of lesbian families"
Mombian "Sustenance for Lesbian Moms"
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Fierce and Maternal and Gay
Three things that ... go together
Talk about proud queer momming. This self-portrait of Catherine Opie, the celebrated photographer--and lesbian--nursing her son, has hung on my fridge for 10 months now. It is in a public place, given our house's layout. I put it there, and I can see it every day.
The thing is, no one has ever commented on it. Almost no one. One straight-girl bootcamp friend of my partner's commented, automatically it seemed, that the woman in the photo was fat. I don't think this straight girl is a mom; she's skinny and blond and conventionally pretty, I noticed. But we've had whole Rainbow Family gatherings at our pretty small house, many people in the kitchen, and no one has marveled at it. We've had some of our best lesbian mom friends over, and no one has said a word.Not one lesbian or lesbian mom has said to me, "That is an awesome picture of fierce, maternal, dykedom." Not one.
The only person who had something to say about it, just last week, was my friend Mikey Frank, who is about 10 years older than I am, and is heavyset, built not unlike Catherine Opie herself actually, and has nursed two babies, each for a long time. Mikey loved it. She said, "That looks like me—big breasts, big baby." She's straight, but she was willing to own the image. I love that.
It's a testament to lesbian motherhood in the heartland, this silence. And it hurts. But the photo itself is a testament as well, and here it is. Enjoy.
This piece is entitled "Self-Portrait / Nursing 2004." You can see a better copy and more of her work at: http://www.regenprojects.com/artists/catherine-opie/ (you will have to scroll a bit through the photos).
Monday, June 2, 2008
West Wing president takes on far-right homophobes
I have to say this video clip still makes me happy every time I see it.
or try this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhGk6eF65Fo
Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2008 -1st blog
My first day writing on this new blog is in honor of June 2, 2008: Blogging for L/G/B/T Families Day, courtesy of Mombian. Thanks you all, for inciting me to do something I’ve wanted to do for a while.
My goal is both to write here from my own perspective, and to add the most relevant and significant writing and info I find on lesbian momming and related topics. Today I am pushing up against way-past-bedtime, so I’ll just add the following link to one of the most queer-friendly videos on mainstream t.v. It's from The West Wing. I know, it’s not about momming, and it's old, but I just found it, and it is clear that freedom from internalized homophobia is a bedrock of taking care of ourselves and taking good care of our kids.
—Yvonne
My goal is both to write here from my own perspective, and to add the most relevant and significant writing and info I find on lesbian momming and related topics. Today I am pushing up against way-past-bedtime, so I’ll just add the following link to one of the most queer-friendly videos on mainstream t.v. It's from The West Wing. I know, it’s not about momming, and it's old, but I just found it, and it is clear that freedom from internalized homophobia is a bedrock of taking care of ourselves and taking good care of our kids.
—Yvonne
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